It Took a Hurricane (Part 2)

So, how did I come to Clearwater Christian College? That's a long story that involves one very long Freshman year, several pivotal moments, and one nasty hurricane named Ivan. In the fall of 2004, I made my way to a certain Christian College in the panhandle of Florida that will remain nameless because... well, I think by the time I finish this post, you will see why. The school year started much like it would for any college freshman... there were the nervous butterflies about meeting your roommates for the first time, the slight fear about really being "on your own" for the first time and the like. I remember when my parents dropped me off and I made my way to my 4th floor dorm room, I cried in the elevator on my way up because it was just a really big unknown. I had just gotten settled into a routine, class schedule, a lunch table to eat at that was not super awkward, how to get my hose on and run to classes without being late when I overslept.... and it happened. They called a special assembly to let us know that a hurricane was headed for the campus and we needed to prepare. I will spare you all the details but the long story short was, we were told to brush our teeth, get a shower, and take care of "business" one more time before we were to be evacuated to shelters ON CAMPUS because there was no way of knowing when we would have the chance to do those type of things again (if the power went out or if we had flooding or major damage). Now, one would think that the students would be sent to homes of families that were part of the campus church, or students who lived within 6-8 hours could go home and take a roommate or two with them. But, that was not the case. We were going to shelter in place. As we were being moved from our dorm building to the "shelter", I looked to the sky and remember thinking what an eerie, threatening sky it was. Being from Wyoming originally, I had seen plenty of scary skies, but those were hail storms or tornadoes and I knew how to cope with those storms. A hurricane was a totally new event for me and I was afraid. I remember one moment of that night as I lay asleep on the floor, where I wondered if we were really safe and sound. But, I slept on. We were given the firm assurance that the campus was safe as a shelter. (It did not prove to be so. For me and my dorm mates, the storm passed over us without incident but for the men, their first choice of shelter--a classroom--flooded and they were sent on to the sports arena. For another group of men staying in the field house the AC unit later crashed through the roof and onto the floor where the men had been sleeping prior to being moved). When we woke the next morning, we were not given the all clear right way. Lunch boxes were delivered and we stayed in and attempted to keep from going stir crazy. Several of us may have started up a friendly game of indoor hockey with the "pucks" that were supposed to be our turkey bagels (there were frozen solid). Finally, the time came where we were permitted to leave the shelter and see what Ivan had done to the campus. It wasn't pretty. Windows broken, trees everywhere, screening from pools and windows strewn all about. There was no power and there was no running water. We were stuck here... there was no place to go. I had an agonizing decision to make. The school had decided that we could go home IF we had parents who could come get us, take us home, and have us back as soon as classes could resume (which was several days). However, my closest friend on campus was not a native of Florida. She came from North Dakota. I just didn't see how I could go home and leave her here miles and miles from anyone she knew. So, we stayed. Since we had no power, no AC, and no running water, We had to get creative. My dad came all the way from home and brought baby wipes (which we could have sold for $20 bucks a package by the end of this event), some fresh fruit, water bottles and some gallon jugs of water. So, we sat in the un air conditioned dorms until it got dark, and since we had no light, we went to sleep. I must say, living creatively as we were will bond you to a person for a lifetime. At one point, we were so desperate for a shower, we took turns standing in the shower with the other person on the other side of the curtain and dumping some of those precious water jugs over the top onto the other person (one of us may or may not have accidently dropped a jug on the other person's head). We weathered the storm and we attempted to finish the year and put all that behind us, but that just started the ball rolling. As the year progressed, I sensed that this was not the place for me. A rule infraction here, a demerit there... it all started to add up. But I had no idea where else I could go that I could afford. I also did not want to go too far away from my family. I seemed out of options... Then, one night, I called a friend from high school. She sounded like she was loving her college experience far more than I was. She sounded happy, she sounded busy, she sounded free. A tiny thought started growing in the back of my mind...I could go there, I could enjoy college...I can't afford it. End of thoughts. When the school year was coming to a close, I got the news I needed from the financial aid office at Clearwater Christian College...I could go. It would take a loan or two, work-study program, a little help from mom and dad, and a couple of academic scholarships that I would have to keep up. That was all I needed to hear. I packed up and said goodbye to the Freshman year chapter of my life and prepared to take on this new adventure. All that to say, where I started in college and where I ended were two different places but I have to say that my freshman year was not without some precious memories and learning experiences. I got a whole year with one of my dearest friends that I would have had otherwise. We made some awesome memories and had some real fun. I also learned a lot of patience. I am a rule follower and a people pleaser, and some of the rules I had to deal with during my freshman year were not what I would call my favorite. However, I got through it, with fewer than 100 demerits, and it taught me that even if I don't agree with my authority figures, I may have to do what I need to do in order to show them respect. It was a tough pill to swallow, but it happened and I am a better person for it. However, if my experience during my freshman year had been better, I probably never would have left. I never would have come to CCC. I never would have made the excellent friendships I made there and I never would have met my husband. It took a hurricane to shake my world up and bring me to the point of realizing that I was not happy where I was and I wanted to move on. That move took me to CCC... which is where the story will pick up next time. XOXO-- Amy

It Took a Hurricane (part 1)

This is going to be a series of posts for a couple of reasons. First, I will never be able to put all my thoughts or memories for this certain topic in one, coherent post. Second, I feel each of these parts deserves their own post. On Friday, I got word that my college was closing its doors. I was honestly very surprised by the amount of sadness that I felt over the school closing. I drove over to the school that very afternoon to get one last look at a place I loved so very much. There was a palpable sense of something coming to an end, and yet there was still such a sense of pride knowing that I got to be one of the privileged group who got to call this place home. I cried as I left the campus because I felt a little sorry for all the people who will never get to know that feeling of coming home to Clearwater. I stopped and took a picture of two (one of the notorious "white benches" where the love struck would sit and would be mocked by all... until I became love struck and occupied one of those very benches with my now husband). I got a picture of my residence hall and the café where I worked for two years. I took my little guy out and walked him around the campus for a little while. It felt good to see it again. But still, I felt sad. I suppose part of it is the fact that three of the happiest years of my life were spent there. I met my husband of 7 years there. I met some of the greatest friends in the world there (whom I still keep in contact with and love very dearly). Even after I graduated, the school was still very much a part of me. Any time I drove across the Causeway from a visit to Tampa, there was the little green sign informing the world that it was not just a bunch of mangroves and trees on the other side of Damascus Drive, it was a whole little world back there. For such a long time, every t-shirt I owned had a cougar on it and was black, white or maroon. When God took our sweet baby Hannah home to heaven, my former Psychology Professor met with me for counseling that I desperately needed and helped me take huge strides in the grieving process. Most of all, Clearwater was a family... and still is. The posts in future days are going to detail the journey God took me on to 1. Get me to Clearwater and 2. The wonderful memories and experiences He allowed me to have there. In future days, the title of these posts will also become clear. Gotta leave some mystery out there to keep you reading. To speak to the close of the school, there is so much I want to say and I think that writing is a great way to help you grieve. It helps you put those thoughts that have been swirling around into something that you can wrap your mind around and put to rest. I am sad that Clearwater is closing. But Clearwater is so much more than the buildings. Clearwater is the people. It is the professors that were willing to, in a very real way, pour their lives and time and energy into students who sometimes did not realize how much sacrifice that took until they were long gone from the campus. It is the Founder who took vision and made it a reality. It is the leaders who worked behind the scenes to keep the school working, from those in the guard shack to those who swept and mopped. God's work at Clearwater does not end with the close of the school. The vision of Clearwater goes on in each of us who have moved on to the next place God has taken us. When we live lives of testimony and reflect our Savior to this very lost and dark world, THAT is Clearwater. When we carry the Gospel to those who haven't heard, THAT is Clearwater. When we love others as Christ first loved us, THAT is Clearwater. That's what will continue on, long after the campus would have. It matters not why the school closed or when its last days will be. It is insensitive and not necessary to speculate why or put blame on anyone. The closing of CCC did not catch our Heavenly Father by surprise. "For such a time as this" rings in my heart these past few days. God had Clearwater exist for 49 long years to equip students to serve HIM better and it accomplished that for sure. There are CCC grads all over the place doing KINGDOM work! Arguing over why it closed and fuming over it makes no difference. During my days at the school the motto was, "Impact eternity"-- in fact I have a coffee mug, a commencement program and a diploma all stamped with that very concept. That is what matters about Clearwater now... Impact eternity. We can do that by praying for the students who will need to trust the Lord to take them to their next location. We must pray for those wonderful teachers and staff members who are leaning on HIS everlasting arms in a VERY real way in the days and months ahead. We can have impact by doing what we were trained to do at Clearwater. If we are teachers, lets teach with all our might for the Glory of God. If we are engineers, or businessmen or electricians... lets be truth to those who have no idea what that is anymore. If we are homemakers, lets raise the next generation to know right from wrong and stand on God's promises. If we are pastors, let's proclaim the Gospel like never before. THAT'S having impact. 

 See you in the next post XOXO --AMY

We won't be there

He already made a reservation. Every year, about this time, he makes a reservation. It hasn't always been like this, but just like time has a way of settling into a set pattern, we have too. It's almost May. May brings some very hard days, along with some very happy days. There is one weekend on the calendar in May where you won't see us. We won't be in town and we won't be in our pew at church. It's Mother's Day. The first couple of years when we were married, Mother's Day was just another day on the calendar. Then came the "waiting years" when mother's day was painful and I usually cried in the car on the way home. After we lost our first baby, Mother's Day was agonizing. After we lost Hannah...it was unbearable. And my precious Husband refused to let the pain go on. I will never, ever forget the first Mother's Day after Hannah went to heaven. Originally, when we had to plan for her funeral, the director told us he could only do the service on Sunday, which was Mother's Day that year. When I told my mom that, she cried FOR me. Somehow (again, probably my husband stepping in when I was too numb to do so for myself) it got changed to another day. When Mother's Day came, Ryan took us away to a little bungalow on the beach and there we stayed. We cried and we relaxed and most importantly, we had time to process and be together to grieve. By the time the next Mother's Day rolled around, Joel was on his way but by this time, escaping Mother's Day was the plan. So, it is a tradition now. You might say, "Why don't you go to church on Mother's day...now you have reason to celebrate?" For me, Mother's Day still connects with the sting we felt during the years of unexplained infertility, and then the years of loss, and now the years of joy (mixed with more waiting). Now, before you say, "That is so depressing"...let me say that some of my happiest memories have been on these getaways. It serves a purpose. First, it allows Ryan and I time to relax, away from our jobs and our other responsibilities and to focus on US. Second,it allows us to remember the sweet lives that, however short they were, were a part of our family (and still are...we just are separated for now). Third, it allows us to shed the tears we may have, alone and unashamed. Fourth, it is so wonderful to get away and spend time on Joel, watching him experience something new for the first time. I remember this year, on Easter, sitting in the pew at church listening to my Pastor speak about the resurrection. I remember thinking, during that sermon, back to that first Mother's Day after Hannah and thinking..."She's there NOW. Someday I will see her again. Paul was so right when he said so triumphantly in Corinthians 'Oh death, where is thy sting. Oh grave, thy victory'?" To me, Mother's Day reminds me that I have children in two worlds at once. I have three children whom I only knew for short amounts of time and one child here who delights me by the second. Sometimes I wonder if in heaven there will be time for me to know my three already there and to understand in full what God's design was in the short duration of their time on earth. Mother's Day this year holds another meaning too. Yes, I am sad for the babies I loved and lost. Yes, I am beyond thankful and happy for the little man I have to hold here and now. And now, I am looking forward with joy to the prospect of the child/children God has for us to love through the miracle of adoption. Ryan and I have talked about adopting since we were dating, and now, we are ready to take the first initial steps to get the process moving. Am I scared to death of what lies ahead? YES...emphatically YES! Am I beyond excited with the prospect of bringing a child who has no one to love it into a home brimming with love? Yes...emphatically YES! So, dear friend and faithful reader, don't look for me on Mother's Day. Don't feel sad for me on Mother's Day either. While it is a hard day for me, it is a glorious day as well. It's just another day for me to look at my life and say, "My, my , my....look at the imprint of God's grace all over this life I am living! It's not easy...but oh, it is so wonderful." Until next time --AMY

Workin' Mama

Hello Readers, It has been a while. I was intending to post pics and a story about my little man's first haircut but that will have to wait. Tonight I want to encourage a friend or two. Dear, sweet friends that I love. We talked and something you said sparked this post in me. I lived parts of this post already and am daily living other parts and so I want you to know that I have felt what you are feeling.... You will know who you are when you read this... I hope it lifts you up. To the Working Mom, I know how you are feeling tonight. I know how tired you are. I know that you are feeling a million emotions right now. You feel unprepared to face your next day at work because you just have so many details to manage that you just can't get ahead. You feel a little guilty because you let the baby watch a show on the iPad because you needed just ten seconds to yourself so you could go to the bathroom. You are sad because someone else is holding your little squishy love all day long, watching him chatter and play and you are missing it. You feel elated because it is only two more days till Saturday when you can actually breathe and catch up on a few tasks. You feel a little giddy because your husband called and told you he got a sitter so you can go out for dinner (just the two of you) and see a movie (which both of you will fall asleep while watching). You wrestle with yourself because you want to get the dishes done before bed but you also need to get the laundry done because no one in your house has any underwear left. You are feeling exasperated because you thought over the weekend you would be a super mom and make some freezer meals but time got away from you and you now have the fixings for forty meals but only have the time to make two. You worry... you obsess a little bit...and eventually sleep overtakes you and it is morning. In a flurry you find clothes for you, clothes for baby, hunt down the missing whatever it is that hubby can't find (probably because he put it one place, you cleaned, forgot where you put it and now it is missing), get hubby out the door. Then, time to pack your lunch (diet friendly of course because hello... people still ask when the baby is due because you have not lost the baby weight yet. Even worse, you are now getting the "Oh you are already having another one?" question). Time to pack the Baby's lunch (which has to be cut into a zillion little pieces). Grab your purse, his backpack, your lunch, his lunch, a Blankie for the ride, a pacifier (just in case), at least one toy, a cup of water (because your are supposed to drink 6 of those a day and you know you aren't), a coffee because, hello, you have a baby, and the keys (which you lost ten minutes looking for only to discover you did not take them out of the front door from letting yourself in YESTERDAY night). You pause to thank the Lord you were not all murdered in your beds, mumble something about "thank goodness hubby didn't know I did that", check the blinking message on your phone which reads "You have GOT to stop leaving the keys in the door! Love you, Hubby" and then get in the car. Strap baby in and away you go. PHEW.... are you tired? I am... and its only 6:45 A.M. Maybe you are a mommy in waiting and you know that when baby comes, you will have to go back to work. Have no fear mommy-to-be. There are a few things you will worry about that you DO NOT NEED to worry about (but you probably will still do it anyway). 1. Baby will never, ever in a million years forget you while you are at work. That first drop off on his/her first day will be so so so hard. Be brave and do the work God has asked you to do and then, the moment your time at work is over, go get that little treasure, take him/her home, drop EVERYTHING else and cuddle with that little love till your hubby comes home and then share that baby with Daddy for a while. 2. Baby will not get you and his "teacher" confused. You will always and forever be mommy and she will always be his teacher. He will love her... but differently and that is a good thing. You want him/her to love their teacher. It will make your life so much easier when you have to leave them. 3. You won't miss anything is you take a second to sleep, eat or shower. That first week of Baby's life...I rarely left his side. I remember nothing except looking at his face. Be sure to eat, sleep and take care of you when you can. 4. Don't waste ONE second of your maternity leave lamenting the fact that it is only __________many more days till you go back to work. Love every moment and try not to think about when it ends. If you are a Stay-at-Home mom, please know that you have my utmost respect as well. You ARE a working mom. You have the daunting task of making ONE income cover a whole family. That is not easy, and you have to do it while keeping your children, your house, and your life in order. No piece of cake. You have no "break time.". You ALWAYS have someone who needs your attention, who is knocking on the door while you go to the bathroom, and countless other demands on your time. You are cook, daycare provider, nurse, laundress, event planner, organizer, gardener, recycler, and a thousand other job descriptions. You have a skill set that no workplace can match. You speak "toddler" fluently (which is an amazing feat of understanding). You can remove any stain. You can hear mischief from at least two rooms away. You are one of the world's hardest workers and the thing is, YOU NEVER LEAVE WORK.... where you go, work goes (cute little bundles of work, but still) At day's end, regardless of what category of mom you are, you are a mom and that is a big responsibility and without a doubt one of life's most challenging roles. However, we are not alone in this venture. WE have OUR heavenly Father. He gave us these children but he also placed us in jobs outside the home (for some of us). We asks us to do BOTH and then goes with us into those tasks. Parenting and workplace alike, HE is there. What a treasure! What a resource of strength! I hope that as you read and find yourself in one of these categories that you remind yourself that HE just asks us to do our best. You can do it mom!!!

What to say when there is nothing to say...

I knew a few weeks ago I needed to write this post. I had been putting it off. I didn't really want to write it. However, the more time went on, the more I knew it needed to be written. I am not writing it so you can feel bad for me. I don't even feel bad for me. I have been sad, but our God is a God of all comfort and He has given hope and joy. Additionally, I have been BUSY at work and that's a great distraction from whatever else might be going on around you. Right now I am in the middle of the Revolutionary War in 8th grade class, just started the Civil War in my AP history class, and am gearing up for the Great Depression in my Modern US history class (so as you can see, my brain is in three centuries at once...leaving me little time for this century). We have been petitioning the Lord for a sibling for Joel. We thought our prayers had been answered with a yes in late October, but by Thanksgiving break it was over and the Lord had called another Withee baby home to heaven. Sometimes, when my heart gets sad and lonely for my babies that I have loved and lost, I think about heaven. There are three children there that I love, that left a mark on my life, and yet I have never met them. I don't know what heaven will be like but I do hope that they will know me and I will know them!! Sometimes I wonder if people think I am hard-hearted. I mean, when we found out about this last baby, we told almost NO one about it because I was too afraid to tell. When we lost the baby, I shed my tears, I cried with Ryan, I prayed a lot...but I tried to keep it together everywhere else I went. It was easier to keep it together than to fall apart. I can't explain it. And yet, in all that loss, there is that perfect miracle with a smile we call Joel. In my darkest of sad days...there he is. Evidence that God is still in the business of answering prayer, above and beyond what we could ask and think. We have been happier in the days since he was born than any other time I can remember. He makes up smile and laugh and sometimes cry at how much he is growing and changing. So,what's the bottom line? Why am I telling you this? First, I am telling you this in case you were one of the few who "found out" about the pregnancy but I did not getting around to "un-telling" you. Secondly, I am telling you this because there is nothing more painful to a family struggling with miscarriage or infertility than questions. "When will you have another one?" "What's your hurry...There's lots of time for more babies". There is already so much guilt that accompanies miscarriage (even if your husband, doctor, specialist, and every other person with any kind of expertise tells you it is not your fault). You tend to blame yourself (even if you cut out all caffeine, chocolate, seafood, and lunch meat because the books tell you too). So, maybe you know or love someone who is going through this and you don't know how to help? Here are things that I KNOW helped me and made conversations far less difficult. 1. Just listen...we may feel like talking about it or we may not feel like saying anything. Just be ok with listening if we need it or talking about something else...ANYTHING else if we need to. 2. Encourage with the Word. NO, not words...the WORD of God. That's really the only thing that is going to give us hope. Don't tell me statistics about people who had so many miscarriages and then "poof" had a baby with no problems. Only the promises in the BOOK are going to make me feel better. Flood that person with "For with God, nothing is impossible"....."I am God, is there anything to hard for me?" Take us to the Cross and stay with us there!!! 3. Love us. When we are down, when we are up...all the emotions all the time. Just be understanding on the hard days (holidays can be hard, "due dates" are hard, baby birthdays are hard). Put your arm around us (if you are the hugging-type) and let us know you are there, you love us, and you care. That means SO MUCH. 4. Pray for us. This is a hard road. We don't know why we are asked to walk it. Talk to any woman who has been down this road and we will tell you...it is hard and it is exhausting. The doctors have told me (believe me, I have seen them A LOT in the last four years) that 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have been the 1 in 4 three times out of four thus far. It is not fun at all but I can see that God can use it for good. It has made me so much more thankful for the blessing I have in Joel. It has made me much more careful to what I say to others regarding their families (how many kids they want to have, if they are waiting for kids...etc). The book of James has it right...our tongue is a powerful weapon capable of doing extraordinary good and unleashing dreadful hurt. So, I beg of you, ask yourself "Do I NEED to say this thing? If you don't...please don't say it. If you are reading this and you are waiting for your own blessing...I don't have an easy answer for you. I can (and have) told you my story. I can tell you that others have walked this road before us and it ended with fabulous blessings through natural, biological children and others were led down the pathway of adoption. Keep holding on. Realize it is OK to have a down day. The one thing you MUST do is keep in contact with the Lord about it. Waiting...just like you are... XOXO AMY

Thank You

So, apparently, October is Pastor Appreciation month. Let's just say I have been so busy chasing a toddler around and teaching that I pretty much just realized it was October about two days ago. However, I wanted to write down some thank you's for my pastor's wives. I know you are supposed to thank your pastors first and foremost and believe me I am MORE than thankful for the amazing pastors currently in my life but also those who have been in our lives in the past. However, my pastor's wives have been there for me and ministered to me in very practical ways. These are just a few of the ways they have helped me and I wanted to say thank you for... ...taking out a visiting young married couple on one of the first Sundays we visited the church. ...allowing us to minster along side you in Sunday school classes, AWANA, and many other events. ...Listening to me when I worried we would never, ever have children and then courageously telling me your own stories of waiting and loss and depending on God. ...Taking me out to lunch, to coffee, meeting me for breakfast to talk and encourage ...Coming to the hospital to comfort us and cry along with us when our sweet Hannah was born sleeping. You cried genuine tears with us and came to be with us when it was difficult to do so. ...Ministering to my parents in the losses when I was too overwhelmed to help them cope. ...Coming to our Hannah's funeral when I KNOW it was painful for you to come ...Helping me deal with my loss by sending me messages, texts, cards, and hugs ...Shopping for owls for my new classroom at every store you went to (most of my collection came from you) ...Sending me little notes and work telling me you were praying for me during my first day at my new school. ...Celebrating with us when we discovered we were having sweet baby J. ...Reassuring me and praying for us when I worried over every moment of my pregnancy. ...Coming to my baby shower and smothering us with love and gifts ...Shopping owl themed baby items...even making some yourself!!! ...Bringing us all kinds of food when our sweet J made his appearance. ...Being the first person (after us and our parents) to hold our sweet baby boy and being his extra set of "Grammies" ...Coming to my home the first week baby J and I were home from the hospital and "keeping guard" over him so I could finally sleep, since my neurotic self was so afraid my little reflux baby would choke while I slept ***I smile now thinking back to that first week...what a wreck I was. ...Coming and bringing me "new mommy" supplies that I did not even know I needed. ...Cleaning my dirty "new mommy" house for me while I napped and held my sweet baby ...Loving my little boy as he grows, liking his pictures on facebook, hugging him when we walk by in church. For all you have done and all I am sure you will do....I love you and thank our GREAT GOD for you!!! Thanks for being a minister of grace and blessing to me and my family!

My baby is one

No one told me that I would get choked up when I heard the Happy Birthday song at his party. Thankfully I was so busy keeping him from touching the flame on his candle that I did not have time to cry. I had no idea when that screaming bundle got handed to me a year ago that my identity would change forever. I became "Joel's mommy." Its not so much that I stopped being Amy, because I am. But, adding that little 7 lbs 13 oz baby to my life pushed me into a new place. He has caused me to think about my relationship with God and caused me to reflect and examine my faith. I can remember the day Joel was born like it was only yesterday (in many ways it feels like it was only yesterday). I had them induce me because of my past history I was very fearful of waiting till his due date. Finally my doctor consented and I went in on a Saturday night. They gave me some pills to help me get my last good sleep of the night and gave me some meds to "get things started so tomorrow they could start the labor induction" with the assurance that 99% of women get a good nights rest and labor does not begin naturally at all for them. I was the 1%. I labored through the night and finally, at about 6 am the next morning I was able to get an epidural (could have kissed that doctor right there, let me tell you). Then, things became a blur because the next thing I knew, after only about 45 minutes of pushing, Joel was born at 9:41 on Sunday, July 21! I was so thankful that he was born, and healthy and all ours!!! This post from my dad on that day is one of my favorites.

This little boy is a gift that I will never, ever deserve. He has made us so happy and has given us countless hours of entertainment. Every day there is something new and exciting that he discovers. I think about all the years of my life that I have wasted spending it on me, on pointless endeavors. Its funny, when we chose Joel's name, we based it off of the verse in Joel that talks about God redeeming the years the locusts had eaten. I feel like God is doing that in our life. We waited and waited for this little guy and he could not be a bigger blessing. In the years to come we are praying that we will be able to shape this little boy into the man God would have him to be. He are excited to watch him learn to talk and sing and run and play. I cannot wait for him to show me what he learned in school. I did cry the night he turned one because he really is not a baby any more in the truest sense of the word. He rarely needs me to cuddle him, he mostly feeds himself, and he likes me be on the move ALL THE TIME. But, I will hold on to those last little moments of babyhood as long as I can. He is a gift and we love him so much. Happy birthday, Joel Andrew!!!