Guilt and Graham Crackers

I have been back in the classroom for two whole weeks now with students, three weeks in total. So, needless to say, I am up to my eyeballs in papers to grade, lesson plans to write, resources to create and several other tasks to tackle. Additionally, I still have a house to keep, meals to cook, dishes to wash (more than normal because my dishwasher decided to give up and die), and laundry to manage. On Thursday night, little man had a very rough night. He went down for his usual bedtime and I thought all was well. After only about 30 minutes, he was up and crying. In frustration, I went into his room and tried my normal method, telling him all was well, kissing him, and leaving him to sleep. But, tonight, none of that was working. So, with a heavy sigh, I picked him up. I took him to his old glider chair and I held him, rocked him, and kissed his little head. With each rock of the chair, my mind raced. Rock rock...I have a stack of essays to grade before tomorrow. Rock rock..those dishes won't wash themselves. Rock rock...no one has any clean underwear in this house. Then, as I rocked, it struck me again. Someday, and soon, I won't be able to hold this little man in my arms any more because he will be big and he won't want to be rocked. Someday soon I will want those moments and I won't be able to have them back. There will be lots of time when he is 5 or 15 or in college for me to keep a spotless home, free of graham cracker crumbs in every corner of the couch, kitchen, and car seats. There will be time, when he is grown and has a home and family of his own, for me to never have piles of laundry or soggy training pants soaking in the bathtub for washing. These days are exhausting and exhilarating. There are times when I feel like I don't exactly know how I made it through my day, but somehow I did. I know it won't always be like this. I also have those moments where I feel guilty for NOT doing more...more training, more teaching, more loving of my little man. Those days when I pick him up at school and discover he threw a toy at his friend or tried to push his teacher I wonder, am I doing this right? But then, I am reminded...all I can do is my best. That's all I can do. The Word reminds me that I must "train up a child in the way he should go." So, right now, what that looks like is reading him at least one verse before he goes to bed each night. Helping him commit one verse to memory each month. Teaching him to have "kind hands" with his friends at school, to say sorry when we wrong someone, and to be obedient to our daddy, mommy, and teachers. Right now, it means I clean up at least five "puddles" per night as we potty train with real underwear at home (because I may have to take out a second mortgage if I have to keep buying pull-ups). So, for right now...we will balance it all. Balancing guilt and graham crackers...and I am ok with that. :) XOXO-- AMY