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Monday, October 31, 2011

Trick or treat????

Today at my work, this was left behind for me and my coworkers. Now, I am a Yankee, so you people who are Southern to the core may have seen this item a million times, but this was a new one on me. It is called a "kitty litter cake." I opened the door to the teacher's lounge and was transfixed. I really could not believe what I was seeing. I was conflicted. Do I laugh hysterically and appreciate this great practical joke, but of course not eat any because I am kind of scared? OR do I run from the room in terror wondering what poop-related treat awaits me inside the fridge or in the coffee pot? I have recorded for you my first initial thoughts.


posted from Bloggeroid



1. NO WAY
2. Is this how the maker of the cake feels about my job performance?
3. Does this taste good and who was the person who was brave enough to try the first bite?
4. Do I use the pooper scooper to obtain my slice of cake? (which I never did bring myself to try...sorry to whoever made it).
5. What would my cat have said if he could have witnessed this?
6. I wonder if I could fool Ryan into thinking I had lost my mind later today if I took a picture of me eating out of the litter box in the right setting?
7. MUST...TAKE...PICTURE
8. NO STINKING WAY
9. *insert excessive giggling and pointing*
10. Next Halloween do we get toilet bowl ice cream surprise or sewer pipe jelly roll or plunger upside down cake?

Now, to sum up....I really do hate Halloween. Do not get me wrong...I do love dressing up and doing the whole costume thing. But the trick or treating makes me crazy. Think about it. If I was a martian and I visited earth for the first time today, I would wonder what in the world humans are thinking. First of all, we give away stuff for free (when else in the calendar year will we give away sickeningly sweet objects away for free to total strangers). Second, it takes place in the dead of night, no one can see and when you open your door there is a kid with a battle axe or a Tommy gun or a 20 foot long knife, he is covered in blood and he has his face inches from your door. CREEPY anyone? Then, if that is not enough...if you want to keep the trick or treaters away from your home, you must either find a reason to flee your home from the hours of 5 pm till about 10 pm or you must sit in your house in the pitch dark. Now, I ask you...what is safe about those solutions? NOTHING. A serial killer, an axe murder or an evil sadistic clown could appear at your door and we open it right up and throw candy in their gross nasty old pillow case that smell like old socks. AHHHHH....I will be happy to see November first dawn tomorrow morning. Besides, I love November. Thanksgiving (my second favorite holiday) and my birthday both happen this month. Welcome November...October, you will NOT be missed.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Saturday Night Randoms

I have had such a nice day. This is the first Saturday this whole month of October where I had NOTHING that I was obligated to go. I had no carwashes for school, dances to chaperone, no luncheons, no meetings...NOTHING. So, I slept in (9 am...what a luxury), cleaned at my own pace and cooked up a storm. I made time consuming dishes that I usually never make because, let's face it, I have no time.

So, today's post is not super serious...I have a serious one in the works up in the old brain...but more on that another day. Today's post is a list of random things that happened this month that I had no time to write about but wanted to.

1. I overcame my fear of eating things students offer to me. Granted, if the student just sneezed and then sniffed the contents of the sneeze back up his nasal passages, I probably still will not eat it. Since I became a teacher I had a fear of eating things prepared or handled by students. My cooperating teacher instilled that in me. She always said, "You never know what might be in those cookies." So, I just carried that peppy little anecdote with me. I always envisioned the student baking up a batch of cookies with worms in it and giggling with sinister glee. "Won't Mrs. W enjoy these...serve her right for assigning me that horrible project." *insert scary laugh here* Well, the other day one of my kids said, "Hey, please try these chips...they are made of veggies." As usual, I tried to politely decline, but she was very persistent. So, I did it. I conquered my fear of student food and ate it. For you it may seem like a small thing, but for me it was a major milestone.

2. I found a sticker (because I still like to put stickers on my kids tests when they do a great job...even though they are in high school. Hey, they notice the stickers and love them) that looked like one of my students. It was a fall sticker of a little smiling squirrel. I showed it to my kid and he agreed. It was a funny moment and we have laughed about it ever since.

3. Everyone was in class for the quiz I gave the other day. May seem like a small thing, but to not have to chase down a kid for a week to try to get them to make up a quiz is a wonderful feeling.

4. My kids no longer protest saying, "But this is history class, why do we have to memorize the Bible" when I assign a verse for a chapter quiz. Makes me smile

5. Ryan and I had a real date night. It has been such a long time since we have had one of those. It reminded me again of why we were meant to be together.

6. I hate laundry

7. Fall has arrived in Florida. The other day I got up to a brisk 60 degree morning. So, I got out a warm dress, a pair of black stockings, and a sweater. By noon I was so hot I felt like I was near the surface of the sun. Oh the joys of Florida.

8. The oranges are turning orange on the trees in the back yard. I cannot wait to get my juicer and make fresh orange juice in the mornings.

9. I have not yet purchased a single Christmas present...I am officially freaking out about that. Not only have I not gotten a single gift, I have not even gotten a single thought of "Oh, so and so would like that as a gift." I think I am in trouble...especially since every store in town has already rolled out all the Christmas stuff. AHHHH.

10. I love Saturdays...especially ones like this.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Observations from a Jury Box

This post has taken me a while to write because there have been so many things to catch up on...but the catching up has finally been completed and I am ready to write. Late in September I unsuspectingly opened my mail box and there is was...a summons. At first I thought, "Oh man...who could possibly been suing me...I am far too busy to offend anyone enough to be in a lawsuit." Upon opening the letter, however, I was stunned to realize I had been called up for jury duty. At first I was very excited. As a social studies/government teacher, I have taught the students about the justice system and about how it all works, but I lacked any personal experience to share. So, initially I was ecstatic. Then, I looked at the date of jury duty. Here is a list of things that were happening on that day.
1. Three new lessons in my classes
2. Project introduction in Government class
3. The first day of school Spirit week
4. Fundraiser that I was hosting at 5 pm
5. The last day of a fundraiser we had been running for a month
6. A volleyball game to coach.
Of course, by the time I realized this, it was too late to back out of it. (Plus, the justice system does not give you too many ways out of it. Basically I would have to be in active labor, handicapped since age 5, and over the age of 70 all at the same time). So, I knew I was stuck.
The day of my appearance dawned bright and clear, a crisp delicious fall day. I packed a bag with my Bible (just in case) my favorite novel and a light sweater. I had asked lots of people in my circle of friends and family about their experience with jury duty. They all said the same thing..."Don't worry. They never call Christians...you will be out of there in no time flat." WRONG.
After I filled out my profile (Are you a criminal? Do you know any criminals? Do you have any distinguishing moles? Have you ever been in the same room with a cop? How do you take your coffee? Do you vote? Are you claustrophobic? and so on), the bailiff rolled out a TV that was at least 15 years old ( I know this because it had so much white noise in the background you could hardly hear what the video was about). The first video was actually ok. It was all about what was about to happen and what your job was. Next, they showed us a video of a REALLY bad actor dressed up in a cop outfit with a fake New York accent...I believe he even said "Forget about it" at one time. Anyways, once all that was over they shuffled all 300 of us out into the hallway and began to select the first panel of jurors. About 24 numbers had been called and I began to breathe a sigh of relief. Then, they called my number last of all. I gathered my belongings and headed to my first stop...the courtroom Jury selection. We all got settled in and the judge began to ask us questions. His voice and mannerisms were just like the guy on that commercial for clear eyes eye drops. First he asked if any of us had a reason why we should not be here or could not handle this trial. Boy, the excuses flowed like a river. "I have to pick up my kids from school. No one else in the whole family has a car." "I have to work, my boss will throw a fit if I am gone." "See my brain, it is actually on loan to me from the research facility." "I have a test tomorrow and my teacher will not let me out of it." " I am the only person in my entire company who knows how to unlock the front door to work...so many many people will be locked out of work. Do you want that on you, Your Honor?" Then, the judge allowed us out to have some lunch and then told us who he had picked. He chose me!!!! Along with me he chose a 65 year old man from New York, a 60 year old woman who must have started smoking when she was 8 because she had "the rasp." He chose two older grandmothers, one who reminded me of a painting because her skin was like porcelain and the other reminded me of a character I once read of in a novel...she was so eccentric. He also chose a lady who had to be the leader of a biker gang (she scared me to death) and then a middle aged man, who turned out to be one of the few who actually saw the case as I did. So, there I was...easily young enough to be any one of those person's grandchild or child. It was a strange sensation. Then, the judge dropped the bomb....we would be here for three days. I almost fainted. I guess I was going to get very close to those fellow jurors.
However, I did learn some valuable insights that I want to share with you now...
1. When you lock 6 strangers in a tiny room with just water and one bathroom and tell them they cannot come out till they reach a decision...somehow, they will make that decision happen, even though they all see the same facts through six different perspectives.
2. Our justice system, while flawed, is still a great way to objectively look at evidence and solve disagreements.
3. The time that is the most inconvenient for you...that is when you WILL get chosen for duty.
4. The cafeteria coffee in a courthouse is a lot like mud...
5. Even judges fall asleep in boring trials (I know because ours did)
6. Lawyers are ridiculously long-winded and wordy
7. Lawyers are tricky and slick as snot on a doorknob when it comes to manipulating you
8. If the judge asks you if there is a reason why you cannot serve in the jury and you hesitate because you think "My reason is silly and selfish" speak up because there is no way your reasons can be as ridiculous as the ones I heard that day.
9. When the lawyers are questioning their most important witness is the time you will inhale wrong and suck your gum into your windpipe causing you to cough so loudly the bailiff will come over to you with cough drops (ahem...yes, I did that)
10. I am thankful that God is the just judge....He needs no jury to help Him uncover the truth or make a verdict...He is all-wise. Praise to HIM.
Anyways...that's what happened to me. All I can say is, I was honored for the chance for hands-on learning for the sake of my classroom...but I was never so happy to see my classroom and my students and my regular life. Those are the thoughts of this juror.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

My love



Today I was enjoying my highly overpriced cup of coffee during a break I had and I noticed my cup. The picture at the beginning of the post was my cup. I loved the quote and the quote got me to thinking about me and my love. This December, Ryan and I will have been "together" in one way or another (we started dating December '05) for 7 years. That is a long time. But, ya know...it feels like only yesterday some days (I am sure he would agree that there are days where it feels so much longer). Just like coffee, love has a lot of flavors and temperatures. Just like coffee, love takes a little getting used to...but you develop a taste for it. Just like coffee, love sometimes is so hot it shocks you and sometimes it is cold and two-days old. Just like coffee, love is addictive. I am addicted to both. As I sat there and pondered love (and coffee)...it brought back some great memories of love and life and of the love of my life...Ryan. Do we have ups and downs? You betcha we do! But, we always come back to the same conclusion...we are addicted. Story #1. I remember our VERY FIRST date. We had just left the Christmas banquet at our college. In those days, at our college, you could not go off campus, one boy and one girl, you had to have a third person with you. Well, this was an impromptu date because both Ryan and I had started the evening with other dates, whom we both ended up leaving behind when we suddenly found each other more interesting. Somehow we convinced our friend Melinda to go with us to Starbucks...and thus...our first date (and part of the reason we could not have had our wedding with out Melinda in it). It was over a cup of coffee, that lasted well over an hour, that I discovered this man had passion for ministry. Did this guy have a past and a history and problems just like me?...YES. BUT, he had given those things to God and was waiting for God to move him to the next big thing... just like me. It was a match!!! Just like cream and sugar. Memory #2. We were married. It had been a very long day, numberless cups of coffee had doubtless been had by that point in the day. Ryan was heading to our room to go to sleep and I had my wax warmer burning in our room. Next thing I know...Ryan tosses the blanket on the bed but misses and hits the wax warmer. Wax all over the walls, all over the floor, all over the bed, all over Ryan. At this time, we were renting...so I panicked and started to get the RED wax off the white carpet. I still giggle as I remember Ryan's face. He was so hurt that I was more worried about the wall than his legs. "Oh sure," he cried in outrage. "Worry about the wall as your husband's legs melt off." By the time it was all over we were laughing so hard. Not sure if we laughed the next day when I had to CHIP the red wax off the carpet. (I realize that had nothing to do with coffee...but I do not care...it was funny).

I love when I have had a bad day, Ryan comes home and surprises me with a snazzy coffee drink. I love that he kisses me, coffee breath and all. I love that he notices when coffee is buy one get one free. I love how anytime he goes away for business or we go on vacation...he has his eyes peeled for interesting coffee mugs. I love that he plots our trips back home to visit my folks based on coffee breaks (and the subsequent potty breaks). I love that even though coffee is an expensive habit, he sacrifices so I can have enjoyment. I love that for our anniversary, he was ok with me getting a gift (a Keurig brewer that I have wanted for FOREVER) that he will never, ever use. I love, love, love that guy...and to think it all started over a cup of coffee.

Friday, October 14, 2011

You Might be a Teacher if...(round 2)

You might be a Teacher if...
1. You respond quicker if someone calls you "Mrs." than you do if they call you by your first name
2. You have a cute little lunch box and make sure you get a fresh one each year.
3. Your purse always has a highlighter and a red pen in it
4. You own a cardigan in every shade
5. You buy shoes based on how much you will want to cut your feet off at the end of the day if you wear them. Less pain=essential purchase
6. Carol of the Bells is not just a Christmas song for you...it is the joyous sound you hear everyday at 3:10 (or whenever the school day ends for you)
7. You have been told more than once (in check-out lines, restaurants, grocery store) that you "look like a teacher" and then walk away wondering what that means.
8. School supplies coming out in Wal-mart fill you with glee (fresh glue sticks smell like a new school year to me)
9. You have bought candles, wrapping paper, and cookie dough till you cannot take it any more because you cannot stand to tell one of your little people "No more fundraisers"
10. You would rather crawl to work dying and breathing your last breath than call a sub because "no one knows my class like I do."

Remind me why



Every so often you have a day where you just wonder..."why do I do it?" Why do I do the job I do? The other day I had had a REALLY long day. It started before the sun came up and ended late in the night. I got to work early in the morning, got so busy in the morning that I got no breakfast (because I usually grab a yogurt break right after I teach my first period class). Then, there was a meeting during my lunch break...so I did not eat any lunch. At three I had to leave my last class of the day and jump in the car and drive over to my team's volleyball game, which we lost very badly. To top it all off, we had to stop and feed the girls on the way home from the game, which would not normally be a big deal, except my athletes forget their own names if they are not wearing a name tag, so they had no money so I ended up springing for four meals instead of just mine. By the time I got home, I had pretty much decided I had had it. Then, I unrolled the poster my 8th grade volleyball girls had given me earlier that day. After I finished smiling over that, I read a note that one of my athletes put in my hands after the game. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in the "got to get everything on my checklist done" mentality that we forget we work with real people. In my case, I work with really fragile people...teens. They pretend that they are tough and have it all together, but they are really fragile. Even though I have to write that one kid's name on the top of his paper EVERY time he turns it in because he never does it himself...I am going to keep doing it. Even though I have to tell that one girl to quit swinging her arms at every single volleyball, I am going to be doing it. Even though I have to tell the same kid to turn around and stop talking to so and so every day, I am going to keep doing it. Even though every day I have to remind student "A" where the homework goes when it is completed,I am going to keep doing it. Even though I have to take away a cell phone from the same girl once a week, I am going to keep doing it. Even if I have to keep on parking on a chapter for longer than I planned because that one child still does not have it...then I am going to do it. Teachers cannot afford to forget that our "product" is a person and their learning. Lastly, God tells us that everything we do is to be for HIS honor and glory. What a reminder of why we do what we do.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Lessons from the Phantom Pineapple Plant



You know what this is? Yes, it is a pineapple! Do you know where it is growing? That is the story of this post. Some of my readers from long ago will remember that last year, about this time, we started having horrible plumbing problems. We would fix one thing, think that was the solution, and then the whole thing would start over again with another problem. Eventually, we solved the problem by remodeling the hall bathroom, replacing the pipe in that bathroom, digging up the plumbing line in the front yard and then filling in the trenches. Needless to say, it was a stressful couple of months. The other day my friend came over and as we were leaving and I locked the front door she said, "Oh my word, you have a pineapple growing in your planter box." I looked and there is was. Now, even in ordinary circumstances this would be a weird sight, since A). We never sit in the planter box eating pineapple 2). We never just throw our pineapple scraps in the planter box and 3). We have yet to have that serial pineapple planting guy visit our yard. It made me smile because last year at this time, that part of our yard was a giant, stinky rotten hole in the ground. Every time I looked at that hole I got stressed, worried, and upset because I knew my house (and it felt like my life) was falling down around me. Now, every time I see that silly pineapple growing in that "former hole" I smile and think about the greatness of our God. Sometimes our great God allows things into our life. Sometimes, humanly speaking, they seem really bad...even really stinky. We wonder "why on earth is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this?" But that is just the thing the Enemy would have us think. God allows those trials in our life, not because He is harsh or punishing, but because he desires sweet fruit in your life. So, if you find yourself, as I have in the past few months, in a "stinky hole" and you think everything is falling down around you....just wait, eventually if you let the Lord have His way, you may find something sweet popping up in your life when you least expect it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My Candy Corn Tissue

Sunday school for the past two years for me and Ryan has been 4 year old class. I loved them. I loved the things they said, I loved that they still could not tie their shoes. I loved that they could not color inside the lines and they always color people's faces blue or purple because they can. I loved their childlike faith regarding the things of the Word. I sometimes forget the difference between 4's and the "big ones" I teach Monday through Friday and somehow I am shocked when one of them tells me that they do not really believe that Jonah slept in the fish belly or that Moses did not get his sandals wet when he crossed the Red Sea on dry ground. But, this summer our time in four year old Sunday School came to an end. It was sad but it was also exciting for me because that meant that one day a week I would get to be with grown-ups for a whole hour at a time. So, my pastor convinced me to join the young married class. I did not want to at first because I would have to go alone (since Ryan currently teaches a 3rd-5th grade boys class). But, I decided to believe him when he said it would be good for me. He was so right. I have loved every second of it. It is so uplifting. Right now we are studying God (his moral attributes to be exact) Last week, our teacher was out of town so two of the men in the group led songs and we sang a song or two, then we would share a testimony or prayer request and then sing some more. As we began to share around the circle, it dawned on me...all of us are in the middle of some "faith" test. The things we are learning about God being holy, good, loving (not to mention his natural attributed like all-present, all knowing) are being proved out in our lives. When we get that phone call that someone is sick, do we still believe God is sovereign? When we lose that pregnancy...is God still good? For some it was at work, for some it was because of health issues, for some it was the struggle of raising a family. As each one shared, I realized how we were all in the same boat (even if the boats look a little different for each person). As the testimonies went on, so did the tears. We laughed a little because last week we all had a moment of tears as one of our members shared a painful prayer request and I made a mental note to have klenex with me. But, when the tears started this week...all I had was the pack of candy corn tissues (I referenced them in an earlier blog post). We had to make do with what we had but it sure looked funny to see people dabbing away tears with candy corn tissues.
So why am I posting this on this VERY early Wednesday morning? We are all busy, we all have weeks, days, hours--where we feel overwhelmed and alone. It is so refreshing to know that I can count on that small group that meets on Sunday mornings to hold me up in prayer. Some of those people in that group, young as we are, are some of the most committed prayer warriors in my circle of aquaintances. Dear readers (all 19 of you), if you are a believer and you do not have a church supporting you...how are you doing it? How are you surviving the battle? I am telling you, some Sundays I am coming into church hobbling on one leg from the intensity of the battle at my place of work...and I work in a "Christian" environment. I beg you...wake up...notice the spiritual warfare in which you are engaged (whether you want to be or not...we are in it). Find yourself a group of fellow soldiers who will come along side you...someone who will stand with you, share your burdens and if needed give you a candy corn tissue to cry into.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Teachers are People Too

Last night my hubby and I had to run to the grocery store. We needed to scoop up the weekly sales and get some items for this week's meals. We were shopping, laughing, commenting on the big sales of the week, complimenting ourselves for having coupons that matched up with the BOGOs of the week, and generally having a nice evening. Once in the spaghetti/pasta sauce aisle, we had the strangest experience ever in a grocery store. There in the aisle was one of my students. Now, as I have confessed before, when I am out in public, seeing my students is always a little awkward because usually we have nothing to talk about. If it is a student that I currently teach, I have been known to turn a little red, wave hello awkwardly and then try to walk away. There are some of my students that I can talk to quite easily (most of it is because they are graduates and I want to catch up with them). However, when this student saw me, they stopped in the middle of the aisle, which of course forced us to stop in the middle of the aisle. Thankfully that aisle was relatively empty. She pulls out her CAMERA and says (I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING ON THIS ONE) "Wow, I have to take a picture of this. I cannot believe you shop at Publix. Teachers really are real people....like to see you outside of school is so weird" I felt like an exhibit at the freak show. I felt like a tour guide should be saying (in a British accent), "And over here we have the rare species called 'Teacherus Historicus' thought to only have a life INSIDE of the school building but hides out in a cave during the evening hours or when not at the school." She had us POSE in the aisle for the picture and then walked away. It was by far one of the strangest experiences of my life. So, there we stood with the cart in Ryan's grip and a jar of Hunt's tomato sauce in my hands and it took all we had in us to keep from laughing. So, if you ever see a picture of me on a poster for a freak show...you will now know why.