I remember when I got saved. In fact, it happened eight years ago yesterday. I had already been told I would be moving to Florida for my Junior and senior year of high school. I remember that my parents let me go for one final time to summer camp. It was at this camp, at age 17, that God gripped ahold of my heart and I realized I was lost and without a Savior. The dear girl that led me to the Lord was kind enough to help me, after I accepted Christ, by telling me that the struggles I was having about moving away were totally normal. "Amy," she said, "Our lives are a big puzzle. We THINK we know what the picture will turn out like in the end if WE have our way. But, we forget that God is in control and sometimes He hands us a puzzle piece and we may struggle for years trying to figure out where that piece goes." At that time, God had given me a Florida shaped puzzle piece and I was baffled as to how this was going to be good for me or help me in life. After all, all my friends were in Wyoming, my sports teams, my debate club (yes, I am a nerd and that is ok)...everything I knew was there. But, God handed me the Florida shaped piece and I begrudgingly took it in my life.
Here I am, 8 years from that moment and I BLESS the Lord for that piece. Without the Florida shaped piece I never would have gone to the college I went to. I would have missed out on some amazing friendships. I would have missed out on meeting my husband who I cannot imagine my life without. I would never have known the two amazing church families I have been a part of. Thank you Lord for that Florida shaped puzzle piece.
But now, God is doing something new. Instead of a puzzle, I feel like the new project in my life is a mosaic. If you know anything about those, they are made up of hundreds of different shards of glass. In order to make that beautiful picture, the artist must first shatter the plate, the bowl, the cup, the whatever it was to make the little pieces that will EVENTUALLY be art. Right now, the beautiful plate I had been clutching in my hands is shattered at my feet in a million pieces. Finally, I was going to be a mom, just like all my friends. It was going to complete our family...BUT GOD, in His infinite wisdom said "not right now." When it happened, I did not get it. I still struggle with it. But, even now, I can see God picking up those little glass shards and HE IS MAKING SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL. "Don't you worry Amy", He comforts with His sweet words. "You may not know what this picture will turn out to be...but I love you and I am making a masterpiece in your life...won't you please trust me?" It may take me another 8 years to see the picture He is making out of it...but I know my God and this mosaic will have His name and His glory written all over it.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Joy comes in the morning
There was a song a long time ago that my mom used to listen to when I was a little girl. I have no idea who wrote it, who sings it, or who to credit it to, but it is a summary of where I am right now. It goes something like this.
If you've knelt beside the rubble of an aching broken heart,
And the things you gave you life for fell apart.
You're not the first to be acquainted with sorrow, grief, or pain;
But the Master promised sunshine after rain.
Hold on my child, Joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night.
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.
The last 4 weeks have been a wild, crazy ride. On June 22nd I got the surprise of my life. I was sitting at home just watching television (Jon and Kate plus 8, if you can believe it) and Kate was talking about the difficultly she had having a baby. She had the same diagnosis that I have gotten from the doctor. It made me mad, and so I decided to show the doctors anything was possible and I got up and took a pregnancy test. It was positive. Now, for most people, oh well, that is no big deal...but for Ryan and I, who have been BEGGING God to have a baby....we were ecstatic. I was so excited, I could not wait for Ryan to get home. I called him at work in the middle of a work meeting. He cried with joy which made me cry even more. That night we rushed out and got a supply of vitamins and orange juice and I said goodbye to my beloved coffee. I do not think we have ever been so happy.
Well, on the 4th of July, everything changed. I started bleeding a little bit that night. I called the doctor and they said not to be concerned unless it was a major amount. Well, to make a long, painful story short, I went to the emergency room on July 8th and we lost the baby. I do not know a time in my life when I have been as sad. I cannot say I am quite to the point that Job was..."The Lord giveth and taketh away...blessed be the name of the Lord." But, by the grace and power of God I know I can get there. I do not know why God chose to give us a baby for about six weeks. I do not know why I made big plans and dreams for him/her when I saw that tiny little heart beating on the ultrasound screen only to have them crushed in an emergency room bed in the middle of the night. I do not know why any of it happened. BUT...this one thing I do know...God is good and his mercy endureth to all generations. Since the miscarriage, Ryan and I have adopted a new verse for our household. We adopted it because we can try to make our lives what we think it should be...but in the long run, it is God who writes the book of our life together. He brought us together and allowed us to be married. He sustains our relationship through the hard times and the joyful times. He is the one who does it all...who are we to question His reasons for taking our little baby to heaven? I can rest in the comfort of knowing that even if I never get to hold a precious little life of my own on this side of heaven, there is a little tiny Withee baby on heaven's shore that I will see one day in eternity and THEN I will understand why. Our new family verse is Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." I do not know if God will bless us with a baby to have and to hold, but I do know HE has plans for our family because we are HIS children and HIS plans for HIS children are not evil but good...always good.
I do have a request of you dear blog followers...do not give up on me or quit reading. I just needed to get this post out there. I know someday I will want to remember this wilderness that God took me through. The other thing I need from you is prayer as now I begin to pick up the pieces, pay the massive hospital bills, testing bills, and so on. Pray for me that God would help me to learn a valuable truth from this and that HIS love and power will comfort me through this. Keep praying for me...because joy comes in the morning.
If you've knelt beside the rubble of an aching broken heart,
And the things you gave you life for fell apart.
You're not the first to be acquainted with sorrow, grief, or pain;
But the Master promised sunshine after rain.
Hold on my child, Joy comes in the morning,
Weeping only lasts for the night.
Hold on my child, joy comes in the morning,
The darkest hour means dawn is just in sight.
The last 4 weeks have been a wild, crazy ride. On June 22nd I got the surprise of my life. I was sitting at home just watching television (Jon and Kate plus 8, if you can believe it) and Kate was talking about the difficultly she had having a baby. She had the same diagnosis that I have gotten from the doctor. It made me mad, and so I decided to show the doctors anything was possible and I got up and took a pregnancy test. It was positive. Now, for most people, oh well, that is no big deal...but for Ryan and I, who have been BEGGING God to have a baby....we were ecstatic. I was so excited, I could not wait for Ryan to get home. I called him at work in the middle of a work meeting. He cried with joy which made me cry even more. That night we rushed out and got a supply of vitamins and orange juice and I said goodbye to my beloved coffee. I do not think we have ever been so happy.
Well, on the 4th of July, everything changed. I started bleeding a little bit that night. I called the doctor and they said not to be concerned unless it was a major amount. Well, to make a long, painful story short, I went to the emergency room on July 8th and we lost the baby. I do not know a time in my life when I have been as sad. I cannot say I am quite to the point that Job was..."The Lord giveth and taketh away...blessed be the name of the Lord." But, by the grace and power of God I know I can get there. I do not know why God chose to give us a baby for about six weeks. I do not know why I made big plans and dreams for him/her when I saw that tiny little heart beating on the ultrasound screen only to have them crushed in an emergency room bed in the middle of the night. I do not know why any of it happened. BUT...this one thing I do know...God is good and his mercy endureth to all generations. Since the miscarriage, Ryan and I have adopted a new verse for our household. We adopted it because we can try to make our lives what we think it should be...but in the long run, it is God who writes the book of our life together. He brought us together and allowed us to be married. He sustains our relationship through the hard times and the joyful times. He is the one who does it all...who are we to question His reasons for taking our little baby to heaven? I can rest in the comfort of knowing that even if I never get to hold a precious little life of my own on this side of heaven, there is a little tiny Withee baby on heaven's shore that I will see one day in eternity and THEN I will understand why. Our new family verse is Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." I do not know if God will bless us with a baby to have and to hold, but I do know HE has plans for our family because we are HIS children and HIS plans for HIS children are not evil but good...always good.
I do have a request of you dear blog followers...do not give up on me or quit reading. I just needed to get this post out there. I know someday I will want to remember this wilderness that God took me through. The other thing I need from you is prayer as now I begin to pick up the pieces, pay the massive hospital bills, testing bills, and so on. Pray for me that God would help me to learn a valuable truth from this and that HIS love and power will comfort me through this. Keep praying for me...because joy comes in the morning.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Wow....very overdue
Summer is usually my busiest blogging time. I have no work, I have my days all alone (although I wish Ryan had the whole summer off too), and things to be blogged always seem to pop up. July, however, has already shaped up to be a busy month and we are only 4 days into it. July is company month (which I am totally excited for). This weekend we had my sister and brother-in-law for the fourth of July. We love having them. They brought greetings from my family in Tallahassee (as well as dinner out treat money). We have had a great time with them and it will be sad to see them go today. Then, next weekend, one of my best friends will be coming to visit with her husband and little daughter. We are having them for a whole week and we are really excited because it has been three years since we last spent any time together and we have lots of catching up to do. Then, hopefully, at the very end of July we may get to host my friends from college whom I also have not seen since my wedding three years ago. In college we went everywhere together and made lots of memories, so it should be a great time together.
We have also not posted because we have been so busy with home improvement. We are going to probably be finishing some touch ups on the master bathroom and also putting in a few new sets of blinds. Our evil dog ate some of the blinds and I think all this company would probably like their windows covered when they stay with us.
Lastly, I have not made as much time to post because I have been really learning some lessons from the Lord this past month or two. Lessons on faith, lessons on trust. God is stretching me. Am I going to trust in Him, His infinite wisdom, His unfathomable love, His unending mercy...or am I going to rely on myself and my human abilities to "fix things", "manage things" or comprehend what is past my abilities? Needless to say...not much blogging has gone on. But, for now, it looks like I may be back. More to come later.
We have also not posted because we have been so busy with home improvement. We are going to probably be finishing some touch ups on the master bathroom and also putting in a few new sets of blinds. Our evil dog ate some of the blinds and I think all this company would probably like their windows covered when they stay with us.
Lastly, I have not made as much time to post because I have been really learning some lessons from the Lord this past month or two. Lessons on faith, lessons on trust. God is stretching me. Am I going to trust in Him, His infinite wisdom, His unfathomable love, His unending mercy...or am I going to rely on myself and my human abilities to "fix things", "manage things" or comprehend what is past my abilities? Needless to say...not much blogging has gone on. But, for now, it looks like I may be back. More to come later.
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